JK Rowling rocks!

I loved the latest and last Harry Potter book. No spoilers. Read it yourself.

Pink gone plunk

I thought it would be a treat to take Half Pint to her first rock concert. One of her favourite artisits is Pink, who is touring SA in September.
There is one show on Saturday 8th... at Sun City. Travelling 300km (return) at night is not my idea of fun, especially when you have to share dodgy roads with drunkards.
Venue of choice is the Dome, however, the show is on the 9th. Sunday 9th. 8pm.
Now organisers - pay attention. Pink's target market is young teens. There is no way I (the Parent Person) am going to allow my kid to go to a concert on a school night. It's one of those non-negotiables.
Another non-negotiable is the ticket price. R400,00 per person? R250.00 if you want to use binoculars. You gotta be kidding! That's way out of the pocket money (pamper your kid) range. Sorry Half Pint.

Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel (Jim Morrison)

I accidentally met a woman today who gives the rest of us women drivers a bad name. I stopped to assist as there was no one else around.
She had parked her car, unintentionally, in a culvert. Sedan cars aren't designed to travel over or through culverts so it came to a rapid stop. So did the drivers' face when it kissed the steering wheel. This would not have happened had she been wearing her seatbelt.
While waiting for the ambulance, I asked if she had swerved for another car, dog, whatever. She could not say. I did notice the contents of her handbag strewn all over. Guess what she was clutched in her hand? Her mascara!
Well lady, you won't be needing the mascara for the next few weeks because you're going to look like a raccoon.

Need suggestions about trespassing

We can relate to the frustration expressed (see pictures below). Our latest battle is with a local who lifts our fence and sends his dogs in to hunt the rabbits and guinea fowl. His dogs obviously make our dogs go ballistic and are teaching ours about hunting, something we don't encourage because the area is a Reserve.
We also have hassles with unsupervised cattle herds crushing our fence, and everything else in their path, and destroying our garden and new trees (we're trying to rehabilitate back to bushveld).
The worst is the scumbags who cut our fences and use the wire to make snares, then plant the snares on the bokkie (buck) trails. I get homicidal thoughts finding the decomposed animals and worry about my pets.
All our farm animals were sold five years ago because of the aggressive poaching. Heartbreaking.
Any suggestions?

Someone's gatvol

The ad I hate most

I cannot stomache this ad. Break out in hives and rush for the mute button everytime. Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill.

Time to celebrate the start of the new school term.

Promised Half-Pint (my daughter) that if she cleaned her room, I'd take her to see the new Harry Potter movie. This bribe was worth every penny, if you have any experience of what a teenage room looks like after three weeks holiday. Biological experiments going crazy in the accumulated crockery that never made it back to the kitchen; clothes (I think it was just about everything she owns) decorating the floor and keeping the bed up; bottles, tins and papers - I can't explain these but they could keep a recycling firm in business for a year; stationery; toys; toiletries; towels... list getting out of hand... and the missing Jack Russell. Yep. The three days notice was necessary.

Saturday morning inspection passed. Off to Monte and the Il Grande theatre. Wow. Nice going Nu Metro. The giant (that's me) could stretch out and not break my knees or neck. The screen is huge and the movie was magical. My only gripe was the yucky popcorn and flat coke that cost a fortune. Things improved once we settled on pancakes and cappuccino's for lunch. Half Pint enjoyed the Skate Park, then we cruised Exclusive Books and spend all my gift vouchers.
BTW Spud, the Madness Continues is as brilliant as the first Spud. I can't wait for the next instalment.
Half Pint took off for the Amusement Arcade (and proved that girls can kick butt... and it was her first time in an arcade) while I moved outside to read Spud and enjoy a long awaited ciggie. While I was chillin', I noticed a couple of disturbing things. One was that the Balloon thingie has only one cable anchoring it to terra firma. Second was observing floods of prepubescent girls, dressed to the hilt, swarming around the casino sans an adult. If they're not watching movies, skating or playing games, what are they doing there? Third was watching a limo pull up and collect a half dozen 6 year olds. I was disgusted with the way they spoke to the driver (because he walked and did not run to open the door) and more disgusted with the parents (who said nothing). Who the hell hires a limo to chauffeur 6 year olds around? Even if it is the 'Princess' birthday, do some face painting, play games and eat cake. If you have spare cash, hire an entertainer and a jumping castle. Your Princess is going to grow up to be a rude 'gimme' ungrateful brat and you deserve it.
I was saddened to observe the gamblers too. They have this weird manic expression while they throw their money away. Unbelievable. Tarted pensioners and middle aged men in bad suits.
Half-Pint and I voted unanimously that, with exception of the Movies, Skate Park and Bird Park, Monte is plastic to the faux ceiling.
Next bribe opportunity, we're doing the Planetarium.

Sunday evening. Half-Pint is back at boarding school and my house is strangely quiet. I can actually hear myself sigh in relief. No radios, no TV, no rap. Bliss.
The traffic is going to be hell tomorrow.

Number Plate

He is are nice too.

Darfur

Got together with my favourite medic mates on a short break from Darfur (in Sudan), who brought along some more medic mates. Surprisingly, we did not chat about any gross stuff but I did learn that Darfur is an experience. The food sucks and is used to poison the rats around camp. The average temperature is 52 c and turns jelly babies into liquid mush. The buildings are plastic fit-to's, which comes in handy when AU troops teach rookies how to drive armoured vehicles, which haven't been hijacked by rebels yet.
This explains why the food took precedence over the booze... and no gross stuff was discussed.
Welcome home. You can hog the heater. Chow down.

Hit the Sirens and wake up

I'm alarmed about quite a few news items that hit the headlines this week.

1. The Sharks lost to the Lions. Tragedy. At least they beat Province otherwise I'd have to dress in full mourning.


2. My daughter can now obtain contraceptives and have an abortion without my knowledge or consent. Bollocks. I'll kill her first. Ok. So we talked about it. She agrees it's bollocks. I still threatened to kill her. She feels this is the better alternative and we have a new mantra. Boys are bad. Repeat.


3. The crime stats are up. No surprise there but I was surprised to learn that it's my fault. Yep. Because we have taken measures to secure ourselves and our homes (at the governments' insistence), this has led to an increase in violent armed robberies and murder. We invite the $#@! to kill us. Bollocks. When public servants learn what service is, send me an invitation.


4. The public service strike is over. Can't say I noticed a difference.


5. We may soon be Darkest Africa. Eskom employees are going on strike. Notice how this is scheduled in the middle of winter.

World's Laziest Dog

Weekend got off to an exciting start. I passed out minutes after climbing out of a hot bath which happened minutes after I got home from work.
Then it was Saturday.

I have a Great Dane puppy (thanks MD). We adore each other. He was quite miffed because I had worked late this whole week and ignored him. I decided to treat him and take him for a smelly walk, making sure we hit the dung trails. We had gone no futher than 200m and he's caput. So the world's laziest dog and I returned home. He walked right past the water trough and collapsed on the couch. I checked him out from head to toe. Pulse fine. Breathing fine. He eats better than all the humans I know put together. We've also visited the vet to make sure he's cool. Straight A's all round. He just happens to be the world's laziest dog. My other mutts get excited over every little thing. This guy 'saunters' to his food bowl. He's bladder control is phenomenal because it's too much effort for him to get up. Have couch, touching human, will sleep.

You Rock.

For all my work mates.

Petscare

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake aclaim for it becoming yourfood and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continuesleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using thebathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About OurPets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/ daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours anddoesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train ( except: Terrie r's and Shih Tsu's )
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion rand for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

The Monday Commute

Low score today. Only three veld fires, one T-boned ambulance and two maSkoros on the side. Did get a surprise though. Got pulled over by Metro. Guess the strike is really over. Anyway, expecting the usual bribe request but, instead, got told to drive safely and make sure I come to a Complete Halt at the stop street. No fine. The stop street in question is on a back road and provides safe passage to someone's driveway (who must be hellofanimportant) and a dead end. I predict speed bumps soon followed by a boom gate. This will be the result of some poor innocent daring to stop at this stop street and getting rear ended by the queue who habitually sail though.

Special message to chap in white ford sierra skedonk. Either your car is unroadworthy or you are unroadworthy. Rapidly steering from side to side over two lanes is not normal. This is unnerving for the rest of us on the road. Go away. Scrap your car. Get a walking permit. Just get the hell off the road.

Oh, the noise !

Had an awesome weekend doing absolutely nothing. Watched a marathon of five movies in one sitting, read two books, caught up on some much needed sleep and got a high score on some stupid game (I'd vowed not to play). Blame it all on the cold weather and stupid weekend driving habits of my fellow Safricans.
I wish I could tell you that my life is quiet and peaceful, but, sadly, this is not true. MD has been testing his home-built sound system and Daughter Dearest has ambitions of becoming either a pop star or talk show host. They've retired to bed (think the sleeping pills I spiked their food with worked) and I'm now sitting by the blazing fire, cats weighing down the obligatory blanket and looking forward to going to work to get away from the noise.
Please add ear muffs to my wish list.